What God Has joined together, Sermon 5 of 10
How To Regain Godly Premarital Relationships in a World that Teaches Us that it is Normal to do Everything in the Opposite Way (a)
2 Timothy 2:22 (aka 2-T-2-2-2)
We are continuing with the special series called "What God Has Joined Together." Please turn to 2 Timothy 2:22. Our primary passage we will reference is 2 Timothy 2-2-2. As you are turning there, I want to talk about a trend that has infected Christians in the last few generations on a worldwide scale. The consequences have slowly broken down vital elements of godliness, prudence, wisdom, discernment, and safety. It has effected us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I could be talking about propaganda from government schools. Certainly it contributes to the problem. I could be talking about false preaching. False preaching is part of the trend. I could be talking about ignorance. Ignorance is a key player. I could be talking about postmodern revolutionary philosophies. They are a vital element. I could even be talking about dreams of romantic ideals. Romanticism is an accomplice that is implicated as an integral part of this malady that is wrecking the lives of multitudes of Christians in our age.
The subject I am talking about is the arena of premarital relationships between males and females.
The issue has to do with how such relationships should be defined. It has to do with the design, function, and purpose, of those relationships. The problem exists when people seek to be the creators of the definition of the design, function, and purpose for premarital relationships. Why? Because God is the one who gives us His definition of the design, function, and purpose, of everything, including premarital relationships of males and females. He gives us the biblical parameters. He gives us godly standards. He gives us clear goals that reflect the wisdom that He wants His children to excel, and thrive in, according to His sovereign determination. Getting away from God's mandate in these things is getting Christians in our age into deep trouble, both spiritually, mentally, and of course, physically. Keeping this in mind, I want us to read our main passage. Paul wrote to Timothy, by the Spirit,
"2 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22
Please prepare your heart to learn, along with me, in this sermon titled:
What God Has joined together, Sermon 5 of 10
"How To Regain Godly Premarital Relationships in a World that Teaches Us that it is Normal to do Everything in the Opposite Way"
[prayer]
I have had the opportunity to share the essential elements of this teaching with various Christian youth and single's groups. Every time I have done so, I bring up the subject of something called "dating." Just about all of us, in our culture, have heard of this term. Many, if not most, of us have actually taken part in something that we would call dating.
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This brings me to the first point I want to make this morning. It has to do with the cultural practice of dating. It has to do with the confusion around this premarital relationship practice in a world that teaches us that it is normal to do everything in the opposite way that God wants us to do. Think, for a moment, about the whole concept of dating. I realized much of the problem in a stark way when teaching to singles groups. I would ask for some short definitions of what the term "dating" means. It's a simple question;
"What is the short definition of 'dating'?"
There is no need for us to share any answers out loud at this point this morning. I am just wanting you to think about what dating means. The reason I am asking you to think about it, is because when I typically call upon about four or five young Christians to tell me what they think dating is, I get answers that differ so much from each other that they reveal a strange, yet profound, fact: Nobody really knows for sure what a standard definition of dating is supposed to be. What I have found is that the definitions of dating appear to be what each person can come up with relative to their own ideas, or experiences. In other words, people just make up an answer. The problem is that the answers differ in subtle yet important ways from person to person. I have heard dating defined as something that has to do with going to a place or an event. In this way it is thought of as something that kind of falls into a kind of superficial category of "Going out." This definition means to go out with someone of the opposite sex, like to a concert, a movie, a sporting event, a restaurant, or a church activity. Sometimes it means to go to a dark remote place and park your car and spend some intimate time alone with the other person (which is another symptom of the problem; but I will get to that in more detail in a moment). But it sounds logical that the term "dating" could have to do with going out on a particular calendar date. So, I have heard this definition. I have also heard the term applied to people who call their relationship a "dating relationship." Have you ever heard that? When asked about their association with another person, they say, "We're dating." It is somewhat like the terminology that young people use when they say, "We are going together." I always like to ask, "Going where?" Maybe they mean they are in a dating relationship, or going out on a date. Who knows?--since each has their own definition. There are other nuances to this abstract term. Some associate people who date with being romantically attracted to one another; so, they think of dating as part of the energy of a romantic relationship. Still others suggest that romantic attraction is not necessary, but that dating helps determine if there will be some romance that will develop. For others, dating is a term associated with meeting for a sensual-sexual relationship from kissing, to various kinds of lascivious activities, including sexual intercourse. And then there are others that define dating as the activity of courting someone toward marriage. If you really meditate upon this, you begin to see just how strange it is that there are so many ways that each person defines dating, and key elements they think are involved; and yet, this fact leads to an even stranger fact: Though there is not a consistent definition, from Christian to Christian, single Christians just assume that other Christians are on the same page concerning the practice; but it gets even stranger. Not only do they just assume this, but then they also proceed with dating relationships without questioning whether what they are doing has any biblical basis, or parameters, to govern it. I'm talking about the differences, but there is also some commonality: Most people typically think of dating as an occasion to enjoy spending time with someone of the opposite sex. After receiving enough answers to show evidence that there is no standard definition for dating, except maybe to enjoy spending time with someone of the opposite sex, I go on to explain that there is a Biblical way that we can glorify God in our relationships with the opposite sex, and thoroughly enjoy it at the same time. It is called accountable Christian fellowship. Now I know that someone may say:
Yes, but dating can be accountable Christian fellowship.
Of course it can be, but we must remember that there are multitudes of definitions of dating--even of the numerous elements involved in the nuanced philosophies. So we need to go a step further than saying, "Yes, but dating can be." We need to get a working definition of dating from a Christian perspective. A working definition for Christians is that:
Dating should only be Biblically defined accountable Christian fellowship.
This is the working definition that we are looking for in regaining godly premarital relationships in a world that teaches us that it is normal to do everything in the opposite way.
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This is the second principle: Dating should only be Biblically defined accountable Christian fellowship. Christian fellowship is the social essence of the church. It has to do with sharing all things in common, (Gk. koinonia) and doing so within godly parameters. It originates from the common link that all brothers and sisters in Christ share. The common link is the other person that Christians always bring into their relationship experiences.
How many of you know that you always bring another person with you into your relationships?
That other person is the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit resides in us. We Christians are His temples. He is what brings the commonality. In proper Christian fellowship, we are involved, but there is an aspect of our selves that gets diminished as we manifest Christ out of us in the activity. Fellowship is governed by the Christ directed lifestyle. The point is that true Christian fellowship is motivated by, and founded in, the Holy Spirit. This means that it is the fertile ground that produces the fruits of the Spirit that come out of us toward others. But there is more to this: Just like Christian marriages are determined, developed, and designed by God, God also determines, designs, and develops Christian fellowship. And He does it so that His will and way will be glorified through us. At this point, you might be thinking:
Okay, but how does this apply to something like dating?
The patterns, and principles, for proper Christian fellowship are taught in the Scriptures. I want us to think of something that is easy to remember. It is kind of a memory device to help you remember a key Biblical principle. Think of 2-T-222. Now I know that sounds strange, but it is easy to remember, which is the point;
"Two-T-two two two"
What is 2-T-222? It is an abbreviation for 2 Timothy 2:22. It is the passage we read at the beginning of this sermon. Remember, Paul says to
"2 flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22
I call this "The Rule of 2-T-222." Now think about this directive toward God-defined Christian fellowship. The ones that call upon the Lord out of a pure heart are Christian brothers and sisters. So, that already gives us a tangible guideline, doesn't it? Let me ask you,
Does God say to flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, with those who are unsaved and separated from the Lord with a spiritually dead heart?
No.
Then there is the rest: Fleeing from youthful lusts, and following righteousness with a male or female, is God's definition of normal Christian fellowship. It is how brothers and sisters in Christ encourage one another, and build each other up in their spiritual walk. The rule of 2-T-222 is the perfect definition for Christian dating. Everything else is simply built upon it. I want us to think about how in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 and Hebrews 4:12 we find that the whole of our being is described as spirit, soul, and a body,
"Now may the God of peace Himself set you apart entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23
"For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
Soul, spirit, body, joints and marrow; the heart, etc. These Scriptures teach the biblical view of our composite makeup. This differs from the view that claims that we are only Body and something called soul (a dichotomy). According to Paul and the writer of Hebrews who wrote by inspiration of the person of the Holy Spirit (contra claims of an influence arising from Hellenistic superstition) there is a kind of triune composite makeup to each of us (a trichotomy). It is analogous to chemicals in a formula. Now, think about 1 Thessalonians 5:23. We, as various aspects in one, are to be set apart by God entirely. We are to be kept without blame. When I look at this passage, I see that the list of our three parts is in the logical sequence of God's setting apart process.
First: The spirit of a Christian has already become brand new. This happens through spiritual regeneration in the miracle action of God in salvation. The Christian's spirit is set apart at the very moment that Christ enters in. God makes us new and alive in our spirit. This happens when we are joined with the Lord;
"the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him." 1 Corinthians 6:17
Our Spirit is alive because of the righteousness of Christ imputed to us,
"10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." Romans 8:10-11
This is the setting apart work of the Spirit. Secondly, that aspect of us that is our mind is renewed in a day to day process. This primarily has to do with our thoughts. This part of us will become flawless in the resurrection in the ultimate setting apart. But right now we see the day to day process of renewing:
"I beseech you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, set apart, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1–2
Renewing our minds is something that we must do from moment to moment. Then there is the body. Our body is in a corrupt state right now. We are awaiting our change into a sinless spiritual super-body, 1 Corinthiians 15:44-46. In our resurrection, we get the ultimate setting apart. In the meantime, Paul says in Romans 12, that we present our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. We do this according to our spiritual life, in conjunction with the renewing transformation in our minds that occurs by the Spirit with the word. Finally, when we die, we will be raised with an imperishable body, 1 Corinthians 15:42. The point is that when we take this over into Christian fellowship as the working concept of dating, the spiritual-eternal aspect of our Christian fellowship should fall into the place of the foundational focus that drives all others. Renewing our minds is our daily goal. Seeking to present our body as a living sacrifice brings it all together to fulfill God's design for Christian relationship outside marriage. One thing this means is that getting involved in sensual-intimate-physical activity is not what God wants you to do in your premarital Christian fellowship. Now this all sounds so simple, right? Well maybe not, which leads to the next principle:
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In our day, the lines have been muddied in respect to physical involvement before marriage. Remember, the church is now embracing premarital relationships in a world that teaches us that it is normal to do everything in the opposite way that God prescribes. Over the last couple of generations, we have moved so far off course, that we have lost our bearings. This principle is meant to help us get our bearings back. We are so off course from the roots of Christianity, that when I say that we should avoid sensual-intimate-physical activity before marriage, I know the questions that people are wondering about even before they are asked--questions like,
But what about holding hands?
What about hugging?
What about kissing?
What about petting, making out, or what ever you want to call the various forms of sexual foreplay that have been given innocent sounding names?
Aren't they just expressions of love?
If it feels so good; and it's not sexual intercourse, then is it wrong to do it?
What I've noticed through the years is that all of these kinds of questions are just extensions of the main question that many single Christians (who have been influenced by modern western culture) want to know the answer to. So let's get straight to the issue. I'll state the question the way many Christian singles in our day, and culture, are asking it:
What can I do physically with a Christian I'm attracted to before marriage and still be pleasing to God?
Of course, we could instantly say, just don't touch at all and everything will be okay. It is good advice. But something else is going on today where Christians are looking at that kind of advice and asking if that is really necessary. Along this line, I have been asked if the Bible addresses things like holding hands, or even greeting and saying good bye with a hug. Then there are categories like kissing. I'm not just talking about a quick hello kiss or a fast goodbye kiss either, though singles want to know about those things. I'm talking about prolonged kissing, and of course, petting or making out. What does the Bible say? That is what single Christians want to know. A survey of the Scriptures quickly reveals frankness concerning the sin of fornication which is sexual intercourse outside of God's ordained marriage bond. Paul says
"flee from fornication." 1 Corinthians 6:18
In the same passage he calls fornication a sin. But remember, the church is off kilter today. This is why the subject of "how far to go" is even needed to be addressed. What once was a black and white issue, has now become a so-called "gray area." Because this subject of "how far to go" appears to be gray (like its just a matter of opinion) a lot of Christians have fallen into sin and its consequences. I can hardly begin to tell you how many singles have shared their stories with me of confusion, and serious heartbreak, because of this so called gray area. An example of this can be seen in a typical drama of two young Christian singles. Let's call them Jack and Diane--two American kids living in the heartland. Jack and Diane are Christians. They are romantically involved with one another. Now that is not so unusual. They enjoy studying the Bible, and praying together, which unfortunately, is unusual for a lot of Christian singles who have been influenced by the lost world culture in our age. But, it is still not completely absent--even in our day. These two like to discuss their future, and the events of their lives. Sometimes the conversations go on into the night. Many of those nights they find themselves alone together. Being alone is not seen as very unusual in today's culture driven Christianity. After all, they are "dating" and one of the definitions of cultural dating activity is to be alone together. The setting is Modern America. Modern America allows you to be alone with one another--at night. Though unwise, culture sees it as no big deal. Culture is a convincing teacher. You find the syllabus in the movies that culture produces which are the movies that Jack and Diane are also watching--alone--at night. You find the lesson plan in the songs that the lost world culture sings relentlessly in the so-called music industry. Friends, relatives, and neighbors, all mimic the mode and the mandate of the message. One evening during a cozy moment they are sharing, Jack reaches over and takes Diane's hand. They are both very pleased with how good it feels. It seems so innocent. They assure each other that this is as far as they are ever going to allow themselves to get involved physically. I want us to think about the progression. Think about how the romance continues on with this new dimension of intimacy. Time goes by. The special moments, alone, continue. Then, one night Jack kisses Diane on the cheek as he's saying good night. According to culture, it is about time this happened, right? If not, then culture says "something's wrong with this relationship." Culture is the one that is wrong, but then again, the church is off kilter. But think about the defense;
It's just an innocent kiss, right?
It's just a little token of affection--on the cheek. What's wrong with that?
Great, so they assure themselves that a little kiss is as far as they are going to "go." But we are all outsiders looking in on this illustration that is going on all around us--down the street, around the corner, in our churches. It's playing in neighborhoods everywhere. Looking at this, we have godly wisdom. So, we are not surprised that Jack and Diane eventually begin holding each other--embracing each other in deep affection. But, you know "they're in love." Culture tells us that this is what people do who are in love, even before marriage. In the midst of their intimate moments, alone together, and "in love," Jack and Diane kiss each other on the lips. That first kiss is relatively short. But of course it is followed by a longer one. Again, for those of us who have rejected the lies of culture, we are not surprised that passionate touching and caressing naturally follow in a cascade of one encounter after another. The touching and caressing is like an addictive drug. They just can't get enough. The passionate times continue and so does the caressing and kissing. Of course, Jack's and Diane's bodies become aflame with sexual arousal each time they are involved in their intimate physical activity. Culture already knows and expects this. Culture also encourages it, promotes it, and endorses it like having lunch together. Culture tells Christians like Jack and Diane that this is all okay. Culture says,
"It's normal."
If you think you disagree, culture asks mockingly, yet with personal conviction,
"You're not weird are you?"
"You're in love right?"
But Jack and Diane are Christians who don't want to do anything wrong. They don't want to sin. But culture is strong; so is desire, and so they think that maybe sexual arousal is really just a healthy natural reaction of two people in love with one another. They are right about that part. But, like millions of young off-kilter Christians in this situation, they think of it as something that is a normal part of the whole relationship. Sometimes it is an inconvenience--sometimes it is not. Also, like millions of young off-kilter Christians in this situation, they think that they are able to control themselves; so they think they can have fun, and yet stop themselves if "things start getting out of hand." But there are already too many things in hand which is a part of the problem. But we have lost our bearings, so Jack and Diane don't even know what getting out of hand actually means. Here is how the thinking process works if you are not familiar with it: In this kind of young person's mind, everything is okay as long as they don't actually have sexual intercourse. Now do you get it? You see, that is the standard that many Christians have. Nevertheless, let's say that Jack and Diane have some doubts. So, living in a Christian age that is off kilter in this area, they decide to find out whether or not they are doing anything wrong. They can't seem to find anything in the Bible prohibiting a show of affection.
After all, it says in 1 Timothy to greet each other with a holy kiss, right?
Something called "immorality" is defined as sin, but like many of their peers who have lost their bearings too, they figure being immoral means "going all the way"--sexual intercourse. Now remember, sexual intercourse is the big dividing line now. They suppose that maybe immorality could mean something else, but they're not quite sure. Amazingly, they are receiving confusing input from various Christian sources. Much of the advice says that the Bible doesn't classify sinful boundaries for a physical relationship short of the actual sin of fornication. Over, and over again, so-called experts of our age (I'm talking about Christian teachers and authors) keep saying sexual touchy feely stuff is just an undefinable "gray area." Of course this just reinforces their desire to express their feelings for each other physically as long as they keep from fornicating which is, to them, sexual intercourse. Soon, they enter into what some call, oddly enough, the "advanced stages" of "sexual foreplay." Any stage is an advanced stage, so let's just call it foreplay. If you don't know, it is playing around with one another doing what moves you hormonally, emotionally, and mentally toward consummation. The Bible calls it something else which is important because God actually does address this kind of activity. The problem is that what happens to young people like Jack and Diane is that eventually such activity leads to doing things to try to come up with some "release" from their relentless arousal that they experience when they are alone together. The thing about this is that though it is not actually intercourse, Christians in this kind of relationship, know somewhere in their hearts that it is something so similar that it must be just as wrong. You see, the Holy Spirit alerts the conscience. But all these Christian "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" really like each other. And besides big named Christian teachers are telling them that this is just a gray zone to proceed with caution in; so what happens is that though they are uncomfortable with what they are doing, they continue anyway. Then something else happens; frustration, guilt, confusion, and intrigue is always there. Then more frustration, guilt, and confusion occurs. There is secrecy, and sneaking now. Think about this:
Why do you need to be secret and sneak when you are fleeing from youthful lusts and pursuing righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart?
You don't.
But now it is always there as an integral part of the relationship. But there is more. There is also constant fear. What I mean is that when they are together, they naturally become physical. It is the set pattern now. So they are thinking that maybe this time or the next time, they might not be able to hold back. They think that maybe this time they could go over the edge and actually "do it." Of course, this seems like a wise thought. Keeping this in mind, let's say Jack and Diane break up before this can happen. So, here they are in the depths of this fiery relationship of passionate experiences that God has designed to be for the marriage union, and then their ungodly relationship ends in a kind of divorce anyway where heavy emotional pain, sorrow, and regret, has occurred. It all started with embracing a pattern of premarital relationships in a world that teaches us that it is normal to do everything in the opposite way than God's way. Then later it was fostered by an ignorant generation of Christians that have lost their bearings too. Blind leading the blind. This story has a ring of familiarity to many Christians reflecting upon similar circumstances. In fact actually "doing it," "going all the way," "having sex" is usually what ends up happening along with the huge guilt and mess that follows. Sometimes marriage follows, but now all these set patterns of compromise have been brought over into the marital covenant. Even pregnancies occur. But there is more; one of the most heinous crimes against children that can be committed is perpetrated because the world has taught that it is normal to do everything in the opposite way than Gods' way. I'm talking about murdering a baby's life away in an abortion. This is a serious issue folks. You need to know that I chose the story of Jack and Diane because the character, Jack, is really me when I was young Christian, and the character, Diane, was my so-called "girlfriend." The story you just heard really happened. One of our problems was that we did not realize that the human sexual appetite is rarely satisfied with just a little taste. It doesn't matter how much resolve passionate bodies think they have to put on the brakes in the middle of the avalanche. The problem is that the downward spiral was fed by continuing to accept each level of physical involvement even though we were somewhat uncomfortable about it while we were doing it. A tiny taste just makes one hungrier for a little bit more, and a little bit more, and a little bit more. Another one of our problems was that our relationship was not being monitored through biblical accountability, like the close scrutiny, and oversight, of the parents that God gave us, or the pastoral leadership in a conservative Bible believing church. "Accountability Ability" is a strong principle I am going to cover in more depth in the next sermon. But those problems were compounded by the problem of confusion we were having with God's instructions from the Bible. That particular zone of confusion could have been eliminated from our circumstance (and those of others who are going through the exact same things in our day because they have lost their biblical bearings) if we would have had a basic understanding of certain key words found in the scriptures. One important word is the activity of lasciviousness. Have you ever heard of this word before? It is Biblical. Bible dictionary definitions describe it as expressing, or creating, a desire for sexual activity; exhibiting lustful desires. Biblically, lasciviousness is a translation of the Greek word, aselgeia. It is found in the New Testament and Septuagint Bible manuscripts. It is one of the evils that proceeds from the heart in Mark 7:22. It is an evil in the church in 2 Corinthians 12:21; It is a work of the flesh in Galatians 5:19; It is a sin of reprobates in Ephesians 4:19; It is a sin of Gentiles in 1 Peter 4:3, and it is an abuse of the grace of God in Jude 1:4. This abuse of the grace of God has more than one English equivalent. It has been translated as indecent, immoral, sensual, pernicious, wanton, licentious, and then, of course, lascivious. Let me put what God wants His people to avoid in easy to understand terms in respect to lasciviousness;
Intentional involvement in lustful sexual stimulation, manifested in purposefully exciting the senses of someone erotically.
That is what lasciviousness is. Of course, it is different with the God ordained relationship of a husband and wife. Whenever they are involved in desirous sexual stimulation, manifested in purposefully exciting the senses of one another erotically, it is called a godly, wholesome, relationship; so the activity may seem the same, but it is different because it is God's ordination. The point is that if you do not start your premarital relationships with expressing, or creating, a desire for sexual activity, and you are not maintaining your premarital relationships with expressing, creating, or feeling, a desire for sexual activity, then you have already fulfilled one huge aspect of godly fellowship according to the rule of 2T222, right? You are already fleeing from youthful lusts. Since the youthful lust activities that are lascivious, are things that God does not want us to do, then we must make every effort to avoid them at any point in our godly Christian fellowship we are seeking. Another word to be familiarized with is "defrauding" It is found in Leviticus 19:13, and Mark 10:19 as something we are not to do. Though various Greek and Hebrew words are translated as defraud, there is a common meaning among them all. Defrauding is sin and is defined as
taking from or depriving, sometimes by fraud; cheating.
Paul used this word in 1 Corinthians 7:5. He tells married people not to withhold from having sex with each other according to their covenant. He said:
"Stop depriving one another ..." 1 Corinthians 7:5
In other words, quit cheating each other out of what God says is your spouses area of authority over your body (except for a time for prayer devotion, but come together quickly) 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. There is more than one way to defraud God's people in physical involvement. One way is to engage in the sin of lascivious activity, with the idea that you will stop your sinful activity just before you think you may commit the sin of sexual intercourse. Often, this occurs time and time again after both bodies and souls have been primed up to complete what they have started. Anyone who is doing this, of course, is selfishly not taking into account the other person involved in their sin. In marriage, the intimate time of stimulation to arousal called sexual foreplay virtually always culminates in intercourse. This whole process, when it is in the marriage union, is very Godly and very good. Outside of marriage, this process is lascivious defrauding, and is very ungodly and very bad. Another way Christian brothers and sisters can be defrauded is to take the other person's purposed state of righteous living away from them through lascivious seduction. What I mean is that the spiritually minded Christian has been seduced away from their prior mindset of seeking Christian virtuousness. Think about this: What happens is that the one who is lasciviously seducing the other person becomes more than just a source of temptation; he or she actually becomes an acting motivator--a seducer, or seductress. Instead of pursuing righteousness together, the active seducer is pursuing youthful lusts and strongly tempting, and drawing, the other person to sin. This reminds me of one year when I was preaching on a coastal beach during college spring break. A young man approached me. He interrupted me while I was speaking into a megaphone. He said he was a Christian. A discussion ensued as he covered everything controversial he could think of at the moment. After some time, the subject of he and his live-in girlfriend came up. I asked him,
"Are you married to her?"
He said,
"No," but that his girlfriend thought that they should be married.
I asked him if his girlfriend was a Christian. He said that she was. Then he said
"She talks to me about the same things you've been talking about; and she prays for me all the time."
Then I asked him if he was sexually active with her. He said he was. But he said he didn't think he needed to be married to have sex with her, because they loved each other. I immediately told him,
"No you don't really love her--you really hate her."
This guy looked at me as if I had just slapped him in the face. He argued with me. He said that he didn't hate her--he loved her.
"Yes, you do hate her," I said
"Because you're fornicating with her, you are causing her to sin against God, you are causing her to sin against herself, and you are causing her to sin against you too; and because of this sin, she will suffer the consequences. If you really love her, you will quit fornicating with her and you'll marry her."
Now why would I say such a thing to someone like that? Because He was guilty of the sins of lasciviousness, fornication, and defrauding. The problem was that he didn't think there was anything wrong with what he was doing. In fact, he associated it all with love. He may or may not have been truly saved, but the point is that he shared some things in common with a great many Christians in respect to his errors. One aspect of this commonality is a wrong understanding of love which leads to my next point.
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It has to do with love in our accountable Christian fellowship: Love is one of the things we are to follow in the fellowship we are commanded to have in 2 Timothy 2:22. If we are to "flee from lust" according to the same verse, then we know that love and lust must be two different things, right? True love is commitment based on God's will. The man on the beach was experiencing something else. He was experiencing what many Christians experience in improper fellowship. He was experiencing affection based on his selfish wants. His relationship was man-centered; it did not glorify God, and was really passionate company keeping. Anybody can do that. It is the same intrinsic nature of all false churches. His idea of love was different from the love of true Christian fellowship. Many people get passion confused with love. This confusion is another symptom of where the world has been teaching us about premarital relationships according to what it thinks is normal. For example, a guy can walk into a room and shower a girl with compliments of adoration as he feels an emotion welling up inside himself. In the very next moment he may become upset with her about something. So what does he do? He storms out of the room in a red-faced rage of anger as yet another emotional urge has welled up inside of him. Now pay special attention to what I am about to say: The first emotion the guy felt as he voiced his adoration for the girl, was passion. The second emotional urge of the storm of anger, was also passion. Are you getting the point so far? Passion, also known in the New Testament and Septuagint Greek as pathos, is a binding or separating force in the carnal man-centered fellowship of the lost world culture. The problem is that carnal man-centered fellowship is temporal and subject to volatile feelings, rather than God-centered commitment. God's committed love, also known in New Testament and Septuagint Greek as agape', is the binding force of Christian fellowship. This binding love is eternal; it is not subject to feeling, and it glorifies God. The agape' based fellowship between a brother and sister in the Lord is always pleasing to God. Pathos seeks personal satisfaction. Lasciviousness and defrauding are simply results of its misuse. Agape', on the other hand, seeks to satisfy God. It comes from a heart that God has poured this love into. It is a manifestation of Christ when it comes out of us. It is a fruit of the Spirit. The point is that confusion about love really has Christians thinking some bizarre things in an age where the church has lost its bearings. Most of it comes from society's influential doctrines concerning what love is supposed to be. Take my friend Darryl as an example. Darryl is a praise and worship leader at a church and the son of a missionary church planter. One day we were discussing his long distance relationship with a girl he planned to marry. She had recently moved to another city. He said
"I don't know if I really love her."
I asked him what he meant.
He said, "Well, I don't have the same intensity of feelings for her that I used to have when she was living here. Whenever I call her on the phone, it's like an effort for me to love her the same way."
Immediately I said, "Great!!"
I explained to him that now true godly love can grow. The real foundation of their relationship can grow. It must grow, because true love requires commitment. In fact, a principle attribute of agape' can be described as Godly commitment. Now here is the really amazing thing about this principle; As feeling type love diminishes, then what happens is that you are left with commitment that is forced to grow up above those passionate feelings. Now you can move on to maturity. Then I explained to him that agape' was the true binding force in their relationship--not his feelings. Next he asked me a question that many of you may be thinking of right now. He asked me if passionate affection kind of love is wrong. The answer is no. God invented passion. God invented romance. God invented fuzzy feel good emotional responses. I explained to him that within its proper context, passionate feelings are part of God's design; so of course they can be good. A way that passion is misused though, is by building a relationship upon it which is the malady of the lost world culture. A relationship of Christian fellowship should never have passion as its foundation. It should be built upon the foundation of agape' love as you pursue righteousness, faith, agape', and peace, with the person you may have passionate feelings toward. Romance, erotic desires, infatuation, and all the various affections like these, are related to passionate feelings. Each is subject to changes inherent in me-centered instability. Like the man in the illustration who poetically flattered the girl with words of adoration. and then left in anger, and like my friend Darryl, who had different feeling sensations about his girlfriend over time, all feelings can come and go in random order. But, agape' love, according to 1 Corinthians 13:8, "never fails." I once heard a pastor, in the United States, tell the story of a Christian married couple from India who had an exceptionally beautiful relationship. When the pastor asked them what the secret to their happiness was, they explained to him that their marriage had been prearranged for them by their parents according to the typical practice in India. The husband then gave his observation as the secret of their success. He said,
"In our country, we start out cold; then we heat up. In your country, you start out hot and then you cool off."
For them, what was considered to be starting out cold was really starting out committed. The heating up was the temperature of pathos. Unfortunately, the cooling off for many married Christians leads to divorce, adultery, or both. Agape' love covers the full spectrum of the redeemed Christian, in body, mind, and spirit. It stems from the spiritual person who is regenerated eternally into Christ's image. The eternal spiritual agape love should govern our temporal passionate affections according to biblical precepts, and principles. Our bodies and minds are undergoing daily change and are not yet perfect. Their perfected state will come in the future after the resurrection. So we see that right now, our bodies and our minds are temporal and somewhat unstable in a world of sin. Our affections are the same way. They are subject to ups and downs. They are unstable. This is why we need the true foundation. The point is that the result is positive spiritual growth that glorifies God. As Christian brothers and sisters grow together in their spiritual walk, agape' love remains as the glue. It is the perfect bond of unity, Colossians 3:14. And as it gets tested it only gets stronger, and stronger. So with these things in mind, singles need to treat each other as brother and sister in Christ, which means they are to serve one another as brother and sister in the fellowship of 2-T222: They do so in Spirit. How? By being equally yoked Christians. By utilizing their God given gifts for the building up of the body of Christ, Ephesians 4:11–13. They also do so in their mind. How? By experiencing godliness together. By manifesting it in their willful and emotional experience that is governed by agape', 2 Timothy 2:22. They also do so in the Physical. How? By seeking sanctification, which is separation from sexual sin. The focus is not sensual, but rather, it is in regard to holiness, 2 Timothy 2:22. My urging to us is to make the commitment today to live by the Christian fellowship principles that God has given us in 2 Timothy 2:22. Let's all teach, and live, in such a way that we flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, agape-love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Amen.
Next week, God willing, I will go into more ways that we can accomplish this.
